Joke

SIR Keir Starmer walks into a bank and says: ‘Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?’ ‘It would be my pleasure, sir,’ the cashier replies. ‘Could you please show me your ID?’ ‘Oh, I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to,’ says Starmer. ‘After all, I’m the leader of the Labour Party. ‘Yes, sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors, forgers and requirements of the legislation, I must insist on seeing ID.’ ‘Just ask anyone at the bank who I am and they’ll tell you.

Everybody knows who I am.’ ‘I’m sorry, Sir Keir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.’ Getting a bit agitated, Starmer says: ‘C’mon, I’m urging you, please cash this cheque.’ The cashier relents slightly. ‘Look, Sir Keir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods, he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque. ‘Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, Mr Starmer, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?’ Keir Starmer stands there thinking and thinking until he finally says: ‘Honestly, my mind is a total blank. There’s nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I simply don’t have a clue.’ With a big smile, the cashier says: ‘Will that be large or small notes, Sir Keir?’

Ken Brady, Swanmore, Hants.