Extraordinary LIVES

PAM was a small person with a big heart and boundless energy. She was the youngest of three children and we grew up in various parts of London. Our brother Michael was several years older, but Pam and I were only two years apart and were very close, doing most things together. We even caught the same childhood illnesses, though she generally came off worse than me. When she was 14 she met Phil, who was in her class at Nightingale secondary school in Wanstead, East London. He was the love of her life and they married when she was 19 and he was 20. At such a young age, they decided to become pub managers and took on a large pub in Eastbourne on the South Coast. Pam was hard-working and learned to do every part of the job. Before long their children came along — son Jay, followed by twins Abbie and Fay. She took care of them while running the pub with Phil. By the early 1980s, they were back in London, running The Grapes, a lovely Victorian pub in Shepherd Market in Mayfair. In 1984, it was used as the location for an American TV Christmas special starring Perry Como and the singer and dancer Ann-Margret.

One Sunday in October, the pub was closed to the public and the production team sprayed the pavement with fake snow. Ann-Margret entered the pub singing Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire. Christmas really did come early that year! Pam provided food for everyone, and they all had such a good time that they returned a few days after filming was finished for the wrap party. Pam took it all in her stride. In her late 30s, she had a cancer scare, but after an operation she was soon back working in the pub every night. Pam was the linchpin of our extended family, organising gatherings and holding it all together. In the 1990s, she and Phil gave up the pub to run B&Bs in Eastbourne and, later, Stourport-on-Severn, Worcestershire. They had some eccentric guests, such as the elderly lady who would throw first her stick and then her handbag down the stairs before descending it herself. ‘Takes all sorts,’ Pam would laugh. She nursed Phil back to health after his own bout with cancer before she became ill again. Her poor body took a battering, but she never complained. After treatment, she and Phil spent a year abroad in their campervan. At last she could take it easy and enjoy herself, making a fuss of her ten grandchildren, whom she loved to bits. Sadly, the cancer returned and she passed away. I will always be so proud of my brave, big-hearted sister.

▪ PAMELA ALICE ONSLOW JACOBS, born July 23, 1950; died May 23, 2021, aged 70.