GET THE PARTY STARTED WITH CLAUDIA’S FLOORFILLERS

bearing in mind i am 50 but feel 110, i like to go big very early. There’s no slow build-up, no gentle way in. it has to be fast, excitable, urgent partying and then bed by 10pm. So the way to get spicy on a deadline is as follows . . .

1. THE drinks need to be delicious and lethal. My favourite is Baileys with rum. I know it sounds dramatic and slightly sickly but after the second, it tastes like Toffee Crisp in a glass. If your guests want something less like ice cream, freezer-cold vodka is just the ticket.

2. A HEAVING cheeseboard with crackers makes everyone happy. At first, people will be polite and take small nibbles. By 9pm, friends will be inhaling actual chunks of Cathedral City. Fancier cheese not required as your guests won’t know the difference after their third Baileys and rum.

3. ONE word. Beyonce. Here’s my playlist . . .

CRAZY IN LOVE (BEYONCE)

EVEN if you’ve had a bad day, this will fuel you on the dancefloor like a double-shot coffee.

GET LUCKY (DAFT PUNK)

JUST because this requires minimal movement.

IT’S RAINING MEN (THE WEATHER GIRLS)

I DEFY you not to scream ‘Come on, girls!’ the second this comes on.

NO DIGGITY (BLACKSTREET)

THIS needs no explanation.

JUMP AROUND (HOUSE OF PAIN)

IT’S BASICALLY just jumping. You don’t need special moves. You don’t need a trick pelvis. Just bobbing up and down with some vigour? Perfect.

LIVING FOR THE CITY (STEVIE WONDER) YOU’VE said your goodbyes, you’ve got one foot out the door and this comes on. Get back on the dancefloor and give it your all.

UPTOWN FUNK (BRUNO MARS)

IF YOU want to shout all the right words, sort of, at the same time as your gang of friends, this is the song you need.

1999 (PRINCE)

I COULD have picked almost any Prince track. There is nobody cooler.

MR BLUE SKY (ELO)

THIS makes everyone happy, even if it’s grey and miserable outside.

JUST DANCE (LADY GAGA)

IF GAGA is asking, we should do as she says. n ClauDia’S new gameshow The Traitors is on bbC1.