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DEAR BEL,

I’D APPRECIATE your advice on how to get over my horrible childhood.

My father has been threatening, abusing and hitting me since I was a very small child. If I said something was red but he said it was green, I had to agree — otherwise he hit me.

When I was very young, he once came home drunk and asked me who told me what I’d just said. When I said ‘Grandma’ (we were living with my mum’s mum, who raised me), he hit her so badly her whole face was covered in blood. Shortly afterwards she died.

My only brother and I grew up in terror of my father — and still fight a lot over petty things, obviously due to all the conflict.

I left home when I was 20 and came to London with £100, not a word of English and nobody at all in the UK. That was years ago. I just cannot forgive my mum, for taking her husband’s side. Was he more important than her own children or even her mum? How could they think they were allowed to behave like that — just because they’re my parents?

Since leaving them behind in the country where I was born, I only see them once every couple of years.

Last time they visited us, my horrible father wanted to hit my husband and also threatened my baby, for playing with his luggage zip.

My mother denies everything — even the fact that he’s an alcoholic. Both lie to my face all the time.

My husband and I have young twins but no help at all, which can make life a bit difficult. My kids have made me realise the best and most precious thing on Earth is having your own children. So how could my father hurt me so much? And my mum allow him to get away with it?

We have no respect or love in my family, we only fight each other. I’ve had enough and wonder what I can do to change the situation.

They don’t care how much they hurt me, they just think they can do, or say, whatever they want as they are my parents. They screwed up my childhood, which has affected my whole life.

Just a very short phone call with my mum every fortnight makes me so angry. She just doesn’t care to listen.

My husband hates it, as he sees me stressed and shouting on the phone. This is not good for my children to see. On the other hand, we are desperate to be part of a nice, loving family.

My parents are very old now, with various serious illnesses. They won’t ever understand why I don’t want a relationship with them, as they’ll think it’s all my fault. Also there is a saying: ‘You will never ever be successful without your parents’ prayer/blessing.’

I don’t know what to do.

ESTA

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2022-12-03T08:00:00.0000000Z

2022-12-03T08:00:00.0000000Z

https://mailonline.pressreader.com/article/282166475207660

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