HE’S A CHEAT, BUT IF I LEAVE HIM I’LL BE PENNILESS

I have been married for five years and have a young child. My husband has cheated five times that I am aware of, and talks to girls live online and downloads images. I’m studying full-time and struggling to raise our child while he is working away from home – and, yes, seeing another girl. I still love him and have invested all my money into building our house. If we split up I will lose everything because I put my money into his family trust. So while I can prove I paid for it all, I have no means of getting a penny back. I’m 50 and have nothing. He has the house, the furniture, two new cars. He has said he wants us to start again, but I’m so confused.

While affairs sometimes can be understood or explained and, perhaps, forgiven, your husband sounds utterly selfish. I know it’s hard when you feel that you still love him (though many will wonder why when he is so inconsiderate of your feelings), but I’m afraid that his behaviour is never going to change. You need to free yourself from this marriage. No amount of love you feel for him can compensate for being hurt over and over again – which is what will happen if you stay. So be firm and tell him that you want a divorce. Regarding your finances, you should be entitled to a settlement on top of the return of your own money, so please consult a solicitor or try mediation; contact National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk). Counselling may strengthen your resolve and help you to see that you deserve more from life. Although it won’t be easy, I promise you that leaving him will make you happier in the long run.