I WANT TO ESCAPE MY CONTROLLING PARTNER

I’ve been with my partner for 15 years and we have two children together. When I first moved in with him, he had just lost his father and he made me sign an agreement that if we did split up I wouldn’t have anything of his. We talked about marriage at the beginning, but he comes from a divorced background and was afraid of losing everything. I used to excuse his controlling behaviour because when his parents divorced, his mother took his younger sister with her, and he was left with his abusive alcoholic father. But I feel mentally drained by his behaviour. I’m always trying to please him but he is always angry. I want to leave, but he takes all my money and I have no way of getting in a better financial position in order to move out – or pay a solicitor.

This is so hard for you. Unfortunately, your partner has you right where he wants you – powerless and dependent on him. I can see why you initially felt sorry for him – it must have been awful to have been left with his abusive, alcoholic father. This has caused him such damage that he now repeats the same patterns himself. But his tragedy cannot be an excuse for him to continue with this behaviour. He needs help, and I hope that one day he gets it. In the meantime, you and your children need to be safe and to escape his controlling ways. He is not your responsibility. Taking your money from you is, in fact, illegal. It is financial abuse and often co-exists alongside other domestic abuse. So for help please contact the Financial Support Line for Victims of Domestic Abuse (0808 196 8845) or go to survivingeconomicabuse.org.