I’M WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND’S DRINKING

A great friend of mine is drinking too much. We’ve known each other since university, where most of our group drank excessively, but the ones with whom I’ve kept in touch have since grown up, had kids and now only drink socially. We’re all in our early 50s. My friend and her husband moved away about eight years ago for her work. They don’t have children and she’s always been a career woman, though her job is stressful. Recently, my husband and I went to stay for a weekend and were quite shocked at how she was knocking back the wine. She wasn’t rolling drunk, but it was obviously a regular occurrence. I could see her husband wasn’t happy and I know there are problems in the marriage. Normally, I can talk to her about anything but I’m not sure how to tackle this issue.

While some might say it isn’t your place to intervene, you love her and are concerned, so I think you can. Be honest but gentle. Call her (perhaps early in the day before any drinking), establish that she is alone, and say that it was lovely to see her but that you could see she was stressed. Ask if she thinks she might be turning to alcohol as a way of coping. Explain that you are worried because she seems unhappy, but say drinking will only make her feel worse. You go back a long way, so I’m sure she’ll appreciate that your concerns are well meant. Once you have opened the conversation, ask if she would consider seeking help for her unhappiness. It is not easy from a distance but you could support her to see her GP or think about counselling. If she tackles the unhappiness it will hopefully stop this tipping into alcoholism.