My life in drinks

My parents were Christian Scientists.

She’d make [real] rum candy for the holidays. I think she drank it – she was definitely a closet wannabe drinker.

Martinis mean glamour to me. In the 1960s, when I was five or six, my parents went to Las Vegas for a Muhammad Ali fight. They dropped me off in a nursery with views of the casino floor. I was a kid but, looking at the martini drinkers in tuxedos and gowns, I thought, ‘I want to do that’.

I started drinking from about the age of 15.

I remember having 11 Heinekens with her the night before the finals of a state play competition. My parents would have killed her if they’d known.

I only developed a love of wine later in life. I had a girlfriend who was into it and whenever I’d kiss her after she’d drunk some, I didn’t like the taste – secondhand wine wasn’t quite as good.

My first gin martini was at the Savoy in London. I’d heard they were famous for them. I was with my wife Laurie, a film producer, in the 80s before we were married. It came in a thistle-shaped glass, ice cold, with a lemon twist sticking out. It was fantastic.

I’ve got a bottle of $800 wine at home I’ve never opened. If it’s too expensive I never do. A rich friend gave me that bottle after their dog got stains all over my suit. I’m like, bring the dog over any time.

Aperol spritzes have always been very special. Laurie and I discovered them when in Venice together for the first time in the 90s, way before anyone had heard of them. We used to fill our cases with Aperol bottles to bring back. They symbolise walking around on vacation together.

I’ve been in Hollywood for ever. [Feig began in 1999, directing James Franco and Seth Rogen in TV’S Freaks and Geeks, then Bridesmaids, the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot, The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Spy with Melissa Mccarthy.] But I’m still a kid from Detroit, so I get starstruck.

I introduced myself to Meryl Streep three times at the 2012 Golden Globes afterparty. a martini or two for courage I said, ‘Oh, Ms Streep, I’m such a huge fan, it’s so nice to meet you.’ She was lovely. I walked away, then, after another martini, went back and said the same. When my wife saw me go up for the third time she had to intervene. I haven’t seen Meryl in person since but hope to work with her some day. If she remembers, though, she might go, ‘Oh boy!’

I’ve made a cocktail for King Charles. Whenhewasprince ofwales,mywifeandiwere asked to tea with him at

Highgrove by my friend Santa Montefiore [who organised it for Feig’s 60th birthday in 2022]. She had shown him my Instagram shows [Quarantine Cocktail Time; during lockdown, Feig made a different cocktail daily for 100 days]. I knew he was a martini man [the King enjoyed one at 11am on a 2018 distillery visit], so I asked to make him one. After tea, his butler brought the ingredients. Charles thought it was great and gave me a bottle of his gin [using heritage grains grown at Highgrove].

The worst drink I’ve ever tasted is a cocktail called Hot Pants. Duringmy Quarantine Cocktail

Time, I wanted to dedicate a show to a friend. She said ‘anything with tequila’. I found this recipe for a 70s disco era drink, with grapefruit juice, peppermint schnapps, powdered sugar and a salted rim. My theory? Everyone back then was so whacked on cocaine it just about touched their taste buds. I don’t recommend it.

At my funeral, I’d like people to toast me with a very, very dry martini. Ice cold with a big Amalfi coast lemon twist. I’d like them to raise that glass, and say, ‘He made us a lot of drinks!’

Cocktail Time! by Paul Feig is published by Harpercollins, £22*