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Suicide

My younger brother is charming ‒ until he’s had a few drinks. His wife divorced him two years ago and now he has descended into alcoholism. We recently discovered that he was abused by a family member when he was younger and we assume his drinking is as a result of this. Since the divorce the proceeds from the sale of the house have been spent on his new girlfriend. Their relationship has been difficult and she has been arrested for domestic violence for hitting my brother over the head with a bottle of wine and biting chunks out of his arm. After a brief split they are back together. Although he has two wonderful daughters, he often speaks of suicide. He calls me and my mum when he is drunk, crying down the phone ‒ which is heartbreaking. We’ve tried numerous times to make him aware of the impact of his drinking on the rest of the family. His lowest point was being arrested when drunk. I thought this would be a lightbulb moment, but it’s only made things worse. I’m so scared for him and know I will feel guilty if the worst happens. How can I help when he doesn’t want it?

Firstly, and most urgently, regarding suicide risk, don’t shy away from talking about it with your brother. People who are suicidal often feel as though they are a burden to others and that

Our relationships counsellor answers your problems

He drinks because he was abused when he was younger

their death will set their loved ones free. So please have this conversation with him and make it very clear that this is not the case. Tell him you understand how awful it must feel to be so depressed but that there is help and things can change. Make sure he has the details of organisations such as Samaritans 116 123, and also watch the 20-minute suicide awareness video at zerosuicidealliance.com. I am sure, as you say, that the sexual abuse lies behind his drinking. Sadly, it is hard to encourage someone to get help, but the National Association of People Abused in Childhood (napac.org.uk) can guide you through how to talk to him. Many abuse victims (and those with addictions) feel shame and believe they don’t deserve support. You can help your brother see that this is not true. If your nieces are still children they are not safe to be alone with your brother or his girlfriend; please contact nspcc.org.uk for advice.asavictimofdomestic abuse, your brother should also

Tell him that there is help and things can change

contact mensadviceline.org.uk or mankind.org.uk. It is also very important to get help for yourself and your mum by reaching out to experts; and take time for yourself, your husband, children and friends. If your nieces are grown-ups, they can be part of the conversations and should get support themselves from adultchildrenofalcoholics.co.uk or al-anonuk.org.uk.

CAROLINE WEST-MEADS

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2023-03-26T07:00:00.0000000Z

2023-03-26T07:00:00.0000000Z

https://mailonline.pressreader.com/article/282140705625486

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