DOES THIS PRENUP SIGNAL A LACK OF TRUST?

My daughter, who is in her early 30s, is engaged to a man ten years older than her. It will be his second marriage. His first was short-lived and it produced no children. He is a good man and we have become very fond of him. However, our daughter is upset because he wants her to sign a prenuptial agreement ‒ his divorce was very costly. She says that it is unromantic and that he can’t have faith in their marriage lasting. She also thinks that he must doubt her integrity. He says that this isn’t the case, he just knows that people can change. We tend to agree with her. Our daughter is such a kind, moral and trustworthy person and would never behave badly even in the event of a break-up. We don’t know what to do to resolve this impasse.

In theory, I don’t like prenups either and agree that they are unromantic and tend to show a lack of proper commitment from the outset. In practice, however, the sad reality is that a great number of marriages do end in divorce. So sometimes prenups can be a practical step and, of course, your divorced future son-in-law will naturally be cautious. Also, it doesn’t sound as though he is likely to change his mind. I am sure that what he says is correct: it is not that he doesn’t trust your daughter or that the marriage is doomed to failure ‒ it is more that he has issues with trust generally. As there is an impasse, it would be a good idea if they went to couples counselling together to help them see each other’s point of view and also to help your future son-in-law to explore the fallout from his previous relationship.