QUOTES of the week

‘As soon as one of these morons steps foot on the motorway, they should be carted off in an electric police van and locked up in a fully insulated cell.’

Tory MP Lee Anderson calls for a zero-tolerance approach to the Insulate Britain protesters who keep blocking motorways.

‘Really hope no protesters block my route to work today on the M42 northbound junction 11 at 8.24.’ Comedian Josh Pugh’s tongue-in-cheek tweet about the disruption.

‘What are the four most useless words in the English language?

Please don’t panic buy.’ Columnist Jan Moir as petrol and food deliveries are hit.

‘Marleeeene!’

Catchphrase of Only Fools And Horses star John Challis, who played Boycie. The actor died last week aged 79.

‘It has not only destroyed my livelihood, it has sent me into a cycle of deep depression and the lowest depths of self-loathing… I have become a recluse.’

Model Linda Evangelista, who is suing the makers of a cosmetic procedure that she claims ruined her life.

‘If this is Starmer’s “big vision” he should have gone to Specsavers.’

Tory co-chairman Oliver Dowden on the Labour leader’s 12,216-word essay.

‘I once went through a goal drought. It was the worst 15 minutes of my career.’

Jimmy Greaves,

who died last week aged 81. He remains the most prolific goalscorer in the English top flight with 357 goals.

‘You can’t anticipate things like this happening.’

Online tarot card reader Rubina Fazel, who had just ten minutes to leave her home after a volcano erupted on La Palma.

‘I went to the doctor the other day and he said, “You’ve got hypochondria.” I said, “Oh God, not that as well.”’ Comic Bob Mortimer quips about his health.