QUOTES of the week

‘Keir Llama.’

Tory turncoat Christian Wakeford gets his new boss’s name muddled in his first public appearance since defecting to Labour.

‘He’s been naughty, so he had to go to the naughty centre to tell everyone he’s sorry for going to a party in lockdown.’

Layla Somani, five, explains Boris Johnson’s Partygate woes to her grandparents.

‘I see the whips have ordered them to bring their own boos.’

Sir Keir Starmer tries to laugh off heckles from the Tory benches during a rowdy PMQs.

‘I’m so sorry but my show ain’t ready.’

A tearful Adele postpones her Las Vegas residency with less than a day to go before the opening gig.

‘You match my coat!’

The Duchess of Cambridge as she snuggles up to Alfie the cockapoo during a visit to a hospital. ‘I’m calling for a bonfire of the banalities.’

Transport Secretary Grant Shapps promises to cut the number of announcements, such as ‘See It, Say It, Sorted’, that passengers are forced to sit through during train journeys.

‘Sorry, I can’t hear you.’ Prince William responds to a journalist who asked if he supported the Duke of York.

‘Your conservatory is going to stand but nobody else is allowed to have one from now on, is that your point?’

Good Morning Britain’s Susanna Reid quizzes eco-campaigner Angela Terry who backed a ban on conservatories – while being interviewed in her own one.

‘It’s one thing if it is a minor incursion and we end up having to fight about what to do and what not to do.’

Joe Biden

triggers panic among Nato countries by appearing to give Russia a green light to invade Ukraine.