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Voyeuristic, yes. But I’m so hooked on couples at war

Deborah Ross

Couples Therapy BBC2, Monday Kelvin’s Big Farming Adventure BBC1, Monday

Listen, you know I always have your best interests at heart, so hear this: stop whatever you are doing, head to your television, do not countenance any distraction and put on Couples Therapy. It’s playing weekly on Mondays or is all available on iPlayer. The first series features nine 25-minute episodes and I watched them all in an evening, one after each other, rat-tat-tat-tat. It’s raw, often uncomfortable, but also spellbinding and fascinating and complex and delicious. It is voyeuristic, for sure, but, at the same time it’s tremendously insightful. That’s my defence and I’m sticking to it.

The series features four couples who have 20 sessions with New York therapist Dr Orna Guralnik while cameras are concealed behind one-way glass. This is a reality show, you could say, but it’s responsible, serious therapy, not the kind you see on Made In Chelsea. Your first question is: why would anyone agree to be filmed? Could your vulnerabilities and secrets be more exposed? Because, as far as I understand it, the therapy, which would otherwise cost £££££, is free. That seems a fair trade, in my opinion. Plus, real work is accomplished here.

Everything is captured. Every ounce of body language, every shift, every touch (or not), every gaze, from loving to when they’re looking daggers at each other. And this will constantly pull the rug from under you.

The couple who you think have the least hope might suddenly find it. The couple whom you had most hope for might, by the end, agree to part. You see bits of your own relationships here and there. You witness years of resentments, desires and unmet needs being unpacked. You invest in the couples and their stories.

Elaine is so insecure she phones her husband, Desean, umpteen times a day while expecting an instant reply. He is exhausted. ‘She wants more than I’m able to give her,’ he says. She eventually reveals a back story that doesn’t explain away everything but does plainly show how cutting off the past can unconsciously colour the present. This is a revelation to her. Then there’s Annie and Mau. Oh God, Annie and Mau. They’ve been married for 23 years. He expects sex every day – sometimes three times a day. Annie did not give him a book voucher for his birthday as she arranged some kind of sex party. He made her cancel it, and then went off to Italy in a huff, as he had not wished for anything so meticulously planned. He expects Annie to anticipate his needs. If he’s thirsty, he says, he expects Annie to produce a glass of water before he’s even said anything.

Annie, put him in the bin, you think, but then matters shift and change. He also has a back story, to do with his mother, who was unreliable and neglectful. He and his siblings, he says at one point, ‘are still waiting for our mother to take us to the swimming pool 35 years ago’. They present as a couple where he holds all the power. But this shifts too.

Meanwhile, there are moments that are plain heartbreaking, as when Alan tells Evelyn: ‘I don’t think I have the want to pursue this any more.’ Which is another way of saying: ‘I just don’t love you enough.’ They’re finished, you conclude. But are they? Dr Guralnik concentrates fiercely, is a perceptive listener and misses nothing. This is full of phrases that you will be thinking about long afterwards. ‘You have to really want the relationship and love your partner in a way that moves you to transcend yourself,’ she tells one couple. And I’ve now just realised that series two is available. So that’s where I’m headed, once we’ve dealt with Kelvin.

The main problem with Kelvin’s Big Farming Adventure can be summed up in two words: Clarkson’s Farm (Amazon). Kelvin even purchases a too-big tractor. Now, let me think, where have I seen that before? I was half-hoping Kaleb would rock up, or Cheerful Charlie, or our beloved Gerald (‘Har!’). But, alas, no.

Kelvin Fletcher, the former Emmerdale actor and Strictly winner, has bought 120 acres on the edge of the Peak District. He is otherwise a townie (Oldham) and, as he says: ‘What I know about farming could be written on the back of a postage stamp.’ Same here, but I think I’d know a pair of wellingtons would be a good idea. Just saying. I was also confused by the timeline. Snow one minute, and in a T-shirt the next?

The tone is jaunty, the voiceover by Maxine Peake is jaunty. It is intended to be comical as he gets to grips with, say, sheep maggots and nearly vomits. But that kind of thing has been done funnier elsewhere. (Now, where was that?) There was also a sour undertone in places. His wife Liz confesses she is allergic to horses and hay and ‘sunshine sometimes’. He says to her: ‘You just have to get on with it.’ Meanwhile, he does get grumpy, which means she always has to remind him this was his idea.

I wanted her to say to him: ‘You just have to get on with it.’ That was the most interesting aspect, in fact. They may even need Dr Guralnik by the end.

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2022-01-23T08:00:00.0000000Z

2022-01-23T08:00:00.0000000Z

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