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What a load of HOT AIR

Energy firms were mocked for their tips to stay warm. Was it fair? Toby Walne does star jumps and hugs pets...and concludes

By Toby Walne toby.walne@mailonsunday.co.uk

ENERGY suppliers are falling over themselves to provide ideas about how customers can keep warm and reduce their energy usage against a backdrop of rising prices.

Armed with a thermal imaging camera, I put their tips to the test at my drafty home in Hertfordshire where I spend £3,000 a year keeping it vaguely warm.

Did their ideas warm me up or were they a waste of time? You may know the answer already.

STAR JUMPS

HOW thoughtful of Ovo Energy to suggest we should get off our backsides and do some exercises to stay warm. While founder Stephen Fitzpatrick – worth an estimated £675million – need not worry about higher energy bills, an estimated six million households will suffer from ‘fuel poverty’ in April when annual bills are expected to average more than £2,000.

Staff at Ovo’s sister company SSE suggested star jumps to keep warm, as well as ‘practical’ exercises such as hula hoop contests and energetic housework – dusting and vacuuming.

The room I was standing in at my 200-year-old rural home was chilly at 13C (55F) while I was giving out 32C (90F) – just 5 degrees below average body temperature – according to a screen at the back of the thermal imaging camera.

The camera uses colours to show hot and cold spots. Hot is white, yellow, red and orange, cooling to purple, dark blue and black.

Initially, I was a mix of red and orange. I then did the star jumps suggested by Ovo. After two minutes, I was not only out of breath, but oddly 10C (18F) cooler. The camera suggested the exercises actually cooled me down. Bizarre.

My view? Such gymnastics may help take your mind off the cold, but insult the elderly and infirm.

LEAVE OVEN DOORS OPEN

ENERGY companies have not yet told customers to stick their heads in the oven to keep warm (that will probably come in April when bills soar again with an increase in the price cap). But they have suggested we make the most of any residual heat in the oven after cooking a meal by leaving the door open.

That’s fine if you have a conventional gas or electric oven. But as an owner of the ‘world’s most expensive toaster’ – an overpriced Aga beloved of the middle classes – the energy meter reading wheel already flies around 24 hours a day because the oven is permanently on. I open the door and the thermal camera indicates ‘white heat’.

Fine, but my Aga has now become the world’s most expensive hand warmer as well. I struggle to see how this measure will cut my energy bill.

Energy companies have also suggested other heat generating measures in the kitchen, such as eating ‘a hearty bowl of porridge’ (can’t abide it), using ginger in meals (don’t buy it) and making a cup of tea (I already drink too much of it).

CUDDLE A PET

IT SEEMS presumptuous of Ovo Energy to suggest ‘a cuddle with your pets and loved ones to stay cosy’. Especially if you live alone.

I have a long-suffering wife who rarely desires my cuddles. As for pets, I keep hens, not cats or dogs. Stepping outside my home, the temperature drops to single figures. A Silkie called Freya bounds forward. After pecking my hand she is not interested in becoming my personal hot water bottle.

The feathers obviously protect Freya from the cold, acting as a form of insulation. Fine for her, but not for me as she transfers no heat across. The thermal imaging camera focused on myself soon goes from orange to purple.

WEAR THICK SOCKS

ENERGY supplier Eon recently came up with the idea of sending socks to customers to keep them warm and save on energy

bills. Some 30,000 pairs were dispatched though it plans to send no more (a public relations disaster). I regularly wear a thermal top and slippers at home. Frankly, I find advice such as wearing a jumper or a coat insulting.

I just cannot bring myself to use a thermal camera to find out whether putting on an extra layer of clothing or wearing thermal socks is going to help keep me warm. That is blatantly obvious.

PUT SPONGE IN LETTERBOX

ANOTHER suggestion is to insert a sponge in the letterbox, preventing chilly drafts. I tried this, but it levered open a spring-loaded insulated cover on the letterbox, letting out heat.

The only reason I would bung up my letterbox would be to stop energy bills getting in.

As a practical measure, the camera confirms that hot air is actually leaving my home.

WEAR A TIN FOIL HAT

OK, SO this – a tin foil hat – is my own idea. But it is an accessory loved by conspiracy theorists who do not want their thoughts read. Ridiculous as it looks, the moment I put the hat on the camera indicates my body temperature is up a degree or two.

Who would have guessed that this mad cap idea offers a better solution to keeping you warm than one from staff whose salaries get paid from the proceeds of our energy bills.

Personal Finance

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