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NEXT WEEK’S NEWS... TODAY!

Steve Bennett

OUR weekly irreverent look at some of the stories that might be breaking over the coming days…

TODAY

Labour Party chiefs defend singing the National Anthem at their conference after focus groups found that voters consider their usual socialist song to be a Red Flag.

And delegates get straight down to talking about the big issues that really matter to voters: a mechanism for determining a system of proportional representation in the parliamentary electoral landscape.

MONDAY

Liz Truss continues to maintain that she’s willing to be unpopular – and will dole out as much free money and unfunded tax cuts as it takes to prove it. Meanwhile. Labour slam her policies as reckless, uncosted, unaffordable, and ‘usually our sort of thing’.

TUESDAY

As pressure grows on ITV to sack Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby over their appearance at the Queen’s lying-in-state, the pair are said to be very keen to avoid the dole queue.

Prince Harry is praised for his walkabout amid wellwishers on Windsor’s three-mile Long Walk last weekend – as that’s the furthest he’s ever travelled without taking a private jet.

Britain continues to adapt to the new Carolean era, as it is called under King Charles, with changes such as Queen’s Counsels becoming King’s Counsels and the National Anthem changing from God Save The Queen to Sweet Carolean.

WEDNESDAY

The result of Vladimir Putin’s referendum in the Donbas is in, with a massive majority voting for ‘Whatever you say, please don’t shoot me in the head’.

THURSDAY

Now the price of milk has surpassed the price of oil, Middle Eastern emirates start getting into the dairy business, creating a new generation of rich milk sheiks.

FRIDAY

After Oxford University renamed its Faculty of Oriental Studies to avoid colonial overtones, the Orient Express is now rebranded as the only slightly less romantic 10.17 from London Victoria.

News

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2022-09-25T07:00:00.0000000Z

2022-09-25T07:00:00.0000000Z

https://mailonline.pressreader.com/article/282394108317790

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