Alexandra Shulman’s Notebook

Am I now on a speed camera hit-list – after going 24mph?

SINCE I’ve now had three invitations to join speed awareness courses, I am beginning to wonder whether I am on a secret hit-list. Is my number-plate red-lit whenever I pass a speed camera?

Of course driving dangerously fast has to be penalised, but 24mph? Really? For once I have a certain sympathy for Suella Braverman.

Her request for a private course wouldn’t have stopped her having to sit through two-and-three-quarter hours of tuition on what speed is correct on a country lane with street lights, but it could relieve her of the need to ‘participate’ – now seen as a key component of the experience.

No wonder she chose to accept the points instead of joining in.

It would have been an occasion where she deeply regretted having such a high-profile name as she was called upon to speak out to the group on the shared Zoom screen about whether she understood the definition of dual carriageway. No slacking at the back, Suella.

I have attended two courses already and have just been given another notice. I’m hardly a boy racer, but this summons came only a couple of months after the last, both for doing 24mph in a newly expanded 20mph zone in London.

Now, I don’t know how many of you have tried sticking to 20mph in the capital but it is nearly impossible without collecting a queue of frustrated and increasingly angry drivers behind you who clearly have no intention of doing similarly.

When I asked the course instructor if all cars – for example, those along with me on Park Lane at 7pm on a Sunday night – were getting nabbed for speeding, she said that would not be the case. Only some people get spotted. So is it the case that my registration number has been highlighted as one that should be called in at all costs?

If so this column will no doubt add to the chances of a fourth notice winging its way through the post sometime soon, once again, for driving unintentionally at 24mph in a 20mph area on a four-lane highway.

Cannes... and a big hoo-ha about heels

WHAT a lot a heel height can say. Actress Cate Blanchett removed the high heels she was wearing with her Giorgio Armani outfit at the Cannes Festival last week to hand the breakthrough artist award to French-Iranian Zahra Amir Ebrahimi.

The actress had to flee Iran when a video of her having sex was leaked by her boyfriend. Blanchett’s reason for going barefoot was apparently in honour of the women of Iran, who are living under horrendous restrictions. That thought was admirable, but it was a curious gesture as heels are generally thought to be a sign of empowerment – literally lifting us out of the muck below our feet while only the deprived have to sink their soles in it. Ebrahimi herself was in a pair of high ankle strapped shoes. It wasn’t the only shoe issue at the festival. Although for some insane reason heels are part of the dress code for women, Jennifer Lawrence broke the rules and drew attention to herself by wearing a pair of black flip-flops under her ballgown. She was probably sensibly hoping to avoid another of the red carpet falls she has become known for.

At 32, Lawrence is young enough to be able to get away with flat shoes without it appearing that age has got the better of her and she can’t manage heels any longer.

Meanwhile, 77-year-old Helen Mirren, the mandatory silver goddess of any festival, wasn’t taking any such risks. She appeared in her sky-blue gown accessorised with blue hair and towering Sole Bliss silver suede and snakeskin print platforms, with triple layer cushioning and a rather less glamorous sounding ‘bunion bed’ to deal with that sore feet issue. No sloppy flip-flops for her.

Although the pandemic has seen millions of us turn to trainers, now business is back to usual, heels still remain signifiers of competence and authority. Blanchett may have chosen to honour Iranian women by taking hers off, but few women find bare feet a way to convey a serious message.

Mayday! BA have failed me again

ONLY in this country could we be making a fuss about our Shadow Chancellor travelling to the US on a business-class ticket. The clue, surely, is in the word ‘business’.

Rachel Reeves was flying BA, which frankly is now such an ordeal in economy that no one can expect to emerge from a longdistance flight in any kind of functioning shape.

But at least she got there. Our BA flight this weekend to Marseilles was cancelled in the middle of the night before our scheduled take-off, apparently due to an IT issue. I was woken by the sound of an emergency SOS text, which I nearly didn’t open, since there was no indication it was from BA.

If Rachel Reeves makes it to No11, I hope she will be allowed to travel First, and possibly on another airline.

Chaotic Royals need a WhatsApp group

ONE of the more curious aspects of the Royal Family is how they don’t appear to be able to co-ordinate timetables. They’re like buses. You don’t see one for ages and then there’s a slew of them coming down the track.

Princess Anne visited Canada to commemorate the 175th anniversary of the 8th Canadian Hussars, only weeks after Prince Edward was there doing his stuff.

His wife, the Duchess of Edinburgh, was in the United States last year only weeks after those previously known as the Cambridges were on tour.

And last week, the Princess of Wales made a photo-op swoop on Chelsea in a hot pink dress that managed to sabotage the amount of coverage that the King and Queen might have expected to collect.

If they are to be the planned lean, mean, working machine, I would suggest that the first move be to co-ordinate their diaries so they don’t trample on each other’s toes.

Perhaps it’s time for them to set up a family WhatsApp group.