QUOTES of the week

‘Jess hadn’t had a great night’s sleep so I thought I’d give her 20 minutes until the alarm goes off.’ Joe Thwaite reveals he let his wife sleep a little longer before telling her they’d won the £184million EuroMillions jackpot.

‘I never expected the right side of history to include so many people in masks intimidating and assaulting women, did you?’

J.K. Rowling criticises balaclava-wearing trans activists involved in a stand-off around the statue of Emmeline Pankhurst in Manchester.

‘Gary puts more people out of work than Boris Johnson.’ Jamie Carragher mocks fellow pundit Gary Neville after the Salford City co-owner sacked his third manager in two years.

‘They’ll probably be quite insulted when the email drops.’ Gabby Logan, who wants David and Victoria Beckham to appear on her midlife podcast.

‘She is a highly articulate, immensely lively, funny woman, brilliant cook, wonderful mother and grandmother, and in all of those areas she has lost capability.’ Neil Kinnock describes the sad decline of his wife Glenys to Alzheimer’s.

‘I’m the first Shadow Foreign Secretary who’s never left Wigan.’

Labour’s Lisa Nandy, whose 19 months in the role coincided with Covid travel restrictions.

‘Who cares if Miami is six metres under water in 100 years? Amsterdam has been six metres under water for ages and that is a really nice place.’

HSBC green chief Stuart Kirk, who accuses the financial industry of exaggerating the risk of climate change.

‘In loving memory of Huw Davies. Used to sit here and shout “f*** off” at the seagulls.’ Memorial plaque on a bench near Aberystwyth Castle. Council officials later removed it.