Millennial Millie

towards #blessed. However, says The Spectator, ‘she’s up against falling wages... and the cost of a flat white.’

Ah, she’s quite cross, then? Let’s just say the gratitude diary isn’t working as well as she’d hoped.

What’s her core problem?

To have the same comforts her Blue Wall parents enjoyed, Millie and her partner would both have to earn six-figure salaries.

I take it they don’t?

No. They don’t own a house either.

Can’t afford one?

Maybe a poky new build but nothing in the right postcode… with shutters… and a log store.

So, if the Tories could get Millie a pay rise, she would be happy?

Not really. You see, her existential crisis goes beyond mortgages.

What else is wrong?

She’s staring down the barrel of old age.

You said she was 35!

Her oldest millennial mates are 42 and that – according to a study reported in the Wall Street Journal – is when a person stops feeling young.

What does this study predict will happen to Millie as she approaches 42?

Aching joints, grey hair and an increased tendency to wang on about GPS, footballers and politicians looking young.

Are you sure about the last one?

OK, we added that.

Anyway, no longer feeling young isn’t the same thing as feeling old. That’s true… in fact, the study says that doesn’t happen until the age of 52.

In which case, what’s Moaning Myrtle’s problem?

Millennial Millie…

Whatever. By my calculations she still has a decade of youthful zip left in her.

Which she’ll need in order to fully examine her sense of chronic underachievement.

Who says Millie has underachieved?

According to (millennial) Times columnist Charlotte Ivers, ‘we seem to have taken the world we inherited and made it just a little bit worse’.

She’s being quite hard on her generation, isn’t she? Millie won’t mind, she’s into self-flagellation. She’ll also identify with Ivers when she writes: ‘We didn’t even have the wherewithal to do it properly, like the baby boomers.’

They might be into running themselves down, but I see the millennials haven’t lost the urge to have a dig at boomers. Millie doesn’t like negativity. As she’s said many times on Instagram, she may be struggling with that deposit but she’s #trustingtheuniverse.

SHE GREW UP ON HOME COUNTIES SNOBBERY AND SPICE GIRLS LYRICS

Not trusting the Tories with her vote, though?

Very possibly not, says The Spectator: she ‘can see herself voting for Labour – and Keir, with his faintly Bridget Jones energy’.

And how will Millie explain that to the canvasser in the blue rosette come election time?

She’ll give them her #blessings before closing the door firmly and remarking to her husband that, really, politicians are starting to look very young these days.