WHO WANTS TO WALK ON A BOUNCY CASTLE?

The ugly sandal trend has reached its zenith says Sarah Vine, who road tests the Ugg Sugarcloud

Is the name Ugg short for ‘ugly’? Certainly, as far as these particular shoes are concerned, it ought to be. Well, I say shoes – mini bouncy castles would be more appropriate. Little rubber pillows, several inches deep, with a crossover strap made out of the sort of towelling that reminds me of 80s swimming-pool changing rooms – all verrucas and mildew.

Behold, the Ugg Sugarcloud slide, AKA the hottest footwear of the season, with thousands of daily page views on the Ugg website. Available in

Big Bird yellow, Barbie pink and gimp black.

Are they having an actual laugh? It’s hard to say. Ugly shoes are a thing, have been for a while now. The chunkier and more menacing, the better.

Elegant footwear – the kind of Aquazzura pumps favoured by the likes of the Princess of Wales – are only really seen these days on special occasions, what one of my more stylish friends calls ‘cab to kerb’ moments. The rest of the time it seems it’s either trainers – or some hideously overpriced chunk of rubber emblazoned with a logo.

The trainer thing I totally understand. The shops are full of versions that combine comfort and practicality with style and versatility. I myself am particularly fond of what I like to call the ‘Italian’ trainer – leather, with a bit of a platform, or even a wedge. And for summer, nothing beats a Superga, invented in my Italian hometown of Turin (and named after a local monument). I’ve been wearing them since long before they became fashionable.

But these ugly shoes are next level. From Balenciaga to Prada, all the designers are at it. And who can blame them? Fashion is increasingly the preserve of people with more money than style, whose choices are influenced not by aesthetic judgment or craftsmanship but by whether this or that influencer/pop star wears the thing. And in any case, this kind ofshoehasgottobeamoney spinner. A bit of towelling and bouncy plastic for £145? What can that cost to knock up?

If they were at least comfortable, I could perhaps see the point. But they are so vertiginously high I feel like I’m on stilts. I am reminded of those videos of geishas you see walking along on lumps of wood, clinging to their companions for dear life. Or the platform sandals worn centuries ago by Venetian noblewomen beneath their gowns to lift them above floodwaters in St Mark’s Square. Who knows what future generations of historians will make of the Sugarcloud, what arcane purpose they will ascribe to them.

Nothing practical, anyway. You certainly couldn’t run for a bus in them. And they are oddly heavy due to the sheer volume of the sole.

What should I wear them with? They look just about OK with a long-ish shirtdress, and they do have one advantage in that they are so outlandishly chunky they make my ankles look uncharacteristically slim. They also work well with long palazzo pants – mainly because you can’t see an awful lot of them. But in all cases trainers do the job much better. I really I can’t see myself wearing these to work or out to dinner. I post a picture of the yellow ones on Instagram and the verdict is unanimous: nice pedicure, you can keep the shoes. All that being said, my kids love them. My 18-yearold son informs me they’re ‘drippy’ (apparently this means fashionable); my student daughter thinks they’re the coolest thing in my wardrobe. So, I am perfectly willing to accept that the problem here is not the shoes, but me.

And provided you don’t fall off them and break your ankle, they won’t constrain and rub your foot as so many shoes will. Whatever else, these are not going to give you bunions, or aggravate your ingrown toenail. But neither are a pair of trainers. I know what

I would rather have.

‘MY STUDENT DAUGHTER THINKS THEY’RE THE COOLEST’