YULETIDE TOP TEN

1 Did you hear about the Christmas cake on display in the British Museum?

It was stollen.

2 Why is Elon Musk’s Christmas dinner so awkward? He can’t stop talking about his X.

3 Why isn’t Barbie having turkey for Christmas dinner this year? Chic-Ken is enough.

4 Why aren’t any schools allowed to put on a Nativity this year? They couldn’t find a stable building.

5 What impact will the 20mph speed limit in Wales have on the charts this year? Chris Rea will be driving home for Easter.

6 What happened to Mark Zuckerberg’s novelty jumper when he had a cage fight with Elon Musk? He was left with nothing but Threads.

7 What’s the difference between The Polar Express and HS2? One’s a fantasy about a train and the other’s a film with Tom Hanks.

8 What did J Robert Oppenheimer get Barbie for Christmas? Atomic Kenergy.

9 Why are the train drivers on the naughty list this year? Because they’ve already had three strikes!

10 How does Margot Robbie decorate her Nativity scene? With three wise Ken.