SHOULD I LEAVE MY CHEATING HUSBAND?

My husband and I have been married for nearly 30 years and were together for ten before that. I’ve discovered that he has twice had an affair with the same person, who lives nearby – the first 13 years ago and then two years ago. His actions have left me depressed and I’m struggling. He won’t see a counsellor or talk about it in case our two adult children turn against him. I can’t decide if I should just give up and get divorced. I think that is probably the right decision, but selling the property would leave me with nowhere to live. What should I do?

This must be devastating for you and it’s an agonising decision. After 40 years together, it would, of course, feel very difficult at first to be on your own. However, your husband has betrayed you badly. The fact that he is unwilling to make any moves towards repairing the marriage, after twice having an affair with the same person, several years apart, suggests that he is not committed to you. It is also unfair of him to refuse to talk about it because it denies you the chance to work things out. This is not a decision you can make without huge support, and I would urge you to go to counselling on your own. Try relate.org.uk (or see mind.org.uk to find a counsellor). Please also see your GP as the depression is a concern. I’m sure your husband doesn’t want to tell his children as he probably knows they will be angry. But you need their support and they are adults, so please talk to them, too. You should be entitled to half the house if you divorce. Contact citizensadvice. org.uk or divorce.wikivorce.com for free legal guidance.